I was supposed to have some gender-confirmation surgery in late May. With the Coronavirus crisis, all “elective” surgeries are on hold for the time being. I have no idea when those will resume, or when I can re-schedule.
This, or something like this, is true for hundreds if not thousands of trans people in varied stages of transition. Perhaps you were waiting on your very first appointment to start your process. Perhaps you were about to go in to get your first HRT dose prescribed. Or maybe you’d scheduled a surgical procedure for this spring, or you were going to travel to another country for surgery. All of this is, for now, on hold, or greatly slowed down.
You also might have been in the middle of a name change process, and your county/state isn’t processing any “non-essential” paperwork. Or whatever is being processed is happening at a snail’s pace.
This can feel extremely frustrating. Of course, a lot about this crisis is frustrating, and difficult. You might also be navigating these pauses at the same time as you are navigating a job loss, or a death in the family because of the virus.
The most important thing you can do now for yourself is take a moment and breathe. Allow yourself to feel the grief, anger and/or frustration. Focus on the body sensations – let go of the thoughts. When you can focus on the sensations, and not the thoughts, the feelings will tend to ebb a lot faster. And remember to send love to yourself – that part of you that’s hurting.
Also remember that you are lovable as you are, however you are, even if your transition is interrupted. You and your gender are real, and valid.